A handwritten note is written in ink.

What Happened When An Atheist/Agnostic Started Praying Every Night

August 15, 2019

Eventually I just tapped out. Sometimes I’m ahead, sometimes I’m behind, but the struggle has always been real (well, not really REAL, more like mental and imaginary which is prison for a cerebral person).

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

-Mark Twain

No matter how hard I push, there is always the next obstacle, unforeseen or not. It’s exhausting and defeating. I also hate losing, in any sense of the word, and trying but not prevailing or feeling any sense of triumph is losing to me. A single autonomous entity, one man against the world Ayn Rand style is a proven losing strategy. The lone ranger will never be a Power Ranger.

Beyond Pascal’s wager, there’s a solid rational argument to be made to believe in some greater power outside yourself. Believing, or in practice, praying, readily confers the following benefits but not limited to: 

  • A blanket of equanimity as you dislodge the entire team on your back
  • A low barrier to entry form of verbal journaling and reflection
  • Activation of your subconscious to do the work for you; what you seek will seek you (i.e. Reticular Activating System). 
  • Flashes of potential brilliance (more on that in a bit)
  • Pre-sleep ritualization and priming

I keep it as simple as sub-one minute whispered prayer every night as the last task for the day, recapping my gratitude, desires, and on a good day, thoughts and hopes for others. As one of my favorite books, The Slight Edge, would describe, it’s easy to do and easy not to do but the consistency over time is what compounds your results. 

One of the lines I’ve used for a couple of months is:

“Guide me toward what is best for me.”

Albeit generic, therein lies the power. What is best for you may come in small, big, or inconvenient packages, but come they will. Again, if you want to lean on the atheist stance, then just think of this as channeling your mindset and intentions in the right direction. 

People talk about getting messages from God, and I can’t explain how this happened, but I’m convinced praying in the way that I have described led me to wake up in the middle of the night on vacation in Northern Michigan with ideas pounding through my head. Be it my subconscious transferring to my conscious brain or a “message from God” I don’t altogether care, so long as I am indeed being guided to where I need to go. Like a bolt of lightning striking me, I had to pull out my phone and write down tons of ideas I felt absolutely compelled to express in writing. So here we are. The better question is will any of this be of consequence, which time will tell, but I can speak to the exact origin of any success I may have with my writing. Hell, now I feel like I HAVE to be successful otherwise I simply had a poor night’s sleep and fabricated stories as to why that was a good thing. 

If you pray and there isn’t a God, you aren’t really wasting your time due to the above benefits but perhaps you are. If you don’t, you miss out on all the above and/or other religious implications. What makes rational sense if you remove ego and identity? That’s my true north, choose yours. 

A graph of the time spent looking at certain benefits.

The Best Life Principle Tai Lopez Taught Me: 40-70 Rule and Optimizing vs. Exploiting

August 13, 2019

The few, the proud, the optimizers. I’m one of them, as are my closest friends. Birds of a feather do indeed flock together. The distance we’d go to seek out that last 1% increase is remarkable, but more importantly, questionably worth it. It’s just too tempting to avoid until you look back on parts of your life where you could’ve been further ahead had you not wasted time searching elsewhere. There is, however, a difference between leaving and returning versus never having left at all (or at least I heard that somewhere and it sounded smart). 

The first person to nail this concept home for me was Tai Lopez of all people (ask me about my checkered past with him one day. To his credit he spoke with me for 45 minutes just because I asked for it, where he informed me of the “40/70” rule and how to apply to decision making. If you have roughly 40% of the information available, continue seeking more information until you get closer to 70%. Once you attain 70% of the information to be had, make the decision! The temptation for optimizers like myself is to push past 70%, but the marginal returns of more information sharply decrease as your opportunity costs of doing so rise. Put in plain English without me overly forcing in my Economics degree verbiage (forgive me, I’m still trying to prove out my college ROI), it’s often a waste of time to find the ever so slight improvement.

If instead you use that time you would spend searching on exploiting your existing opportunities you’ll probably get farther ahead ultimately. I’m jealous of simpletons who can put their heads down and work on what’s right in front of them. I’m too busy dreaming about what else is out there and what else is possible. As is the answer with basically everything, there’s a balance to be had. The world has done a lot of this thinking and number crunching for you, and it’s called basic economics; if something is that much better, the supply and demand will even out, rendering few arbitrage opportunities. If you rightly assume resources are pretty fairly allocated, then you don’t have to worry about finding the optimization point because it’s already there. This is also known as Pareto Optimal or Pareto Efficiency, where changing one variable changes one or more other variables to where in aggregate the change isn’t worth it.

Enough theory, let’s put this into practice. In practice, I am facing this with moving. I believed I could find a Pareto efficiency better than my current living situation, but the trade-offs slap me in the face every which way as I search for the brighter and better.

Want to be closer to the beach? More expensive.

Want to be in a nice place and close to the beach? Too expensive or too far away from the main city attractions. 

Want to be close to the beach but not expensive? Have fun living in a shoebox and/or noise polluted area. 

It never ends.

The key realization is knowing the world has already factored in all these variables for you and is priced accordingly. Your job is to get clear on your values. That’s where the real arbitrage happens when you value something enough to justify forfeiting other attributes. Another option is to make so much money that you can have it all, but then your trade-off is slaving away your youth and time to get to a place where you can enjoy your youth and time. 

As an optimizer who has banged his head against this wall one too many times, I’m slowly learning to simply appreciate what I have. Why are life’s answers so simple yet so elusive? Tony Robbins talks about humans craving both Uncertainty and Certainty, and that tension is exacerbated by optimizing-prone personality types. 

Anyway, that’s all I have to say for now. I’m off to go find something better to do.

A drawing of the downward sloping slope of a mountain.

I Burned Out on Thinking About Myself, So Now I Think About Others (Selfishly)

August 11, 2019

The words “Brian” and “Gandhi” will never be associated together, but progress has been made nonetheless. I’ve spent almost my entire life dwelling and obsessing over what I call the “selfish black hole” – the infinite universe of selfish desires, perceived imperfections, strategies for self-gain, etc. After all, I am a part of Generation Look At Me. However, at some point it just becomes too much. You realize despite your paltry life accomplishments, it’s never enough and the goal post keeps moving farther out. 

You start to wonder when will it all add up for me? When will my hard work start to pay off from a FEELING standpoint, not a bank account or wall of achievement perspective? Oh I get it; I just need to make double the income. Have double the wealth. Live in a better city. Live in a better apartment. Be in better shape. Have two percent less body fat. Have more time for myself. Have less time for myself and more time with friends and family. No matter where you go, there you are – unsatisfied, wondering about life but steadfastly sure “more” is out there that I still need and am missing. As my high school ethics facetiously taught us,

“When is enough, enough? Just a little bit more.”

-Kurt Kroesche

A realization dawns on you. What if more for you isn’t the answer. After all, the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. One day you wake up tired of being insane. Selfishly searching for a viable strategy toward happiness and fulfillment, you shift your focus outward, however slightly. We’ve all heard it a million times:

“It’s about others.”

“What can you do for other people or the world?”

“Nobody likes the Mr. Potter.” (yet I’d argue we live in Pottersville, but we’ll save that for another post). 

You finally give in. FINE. I’ll try this whole “do for others” hat on for a change. For me it started with embarrassingly small actions. But as my poster on the wall at my coliving space says, “There’s no such thing as small change.” Thank you, Ikea-level artwork. 

I texted my CrossFit buddy who busted his shoulder the day prior asking how he was doing. Just the fact that I spent 10 mins in the morning thinking about someone else in lieu of figuring out how to optimize my dating app profile is a world of improvement. 

The next day I asked someone in my apartment complex if they needed help moving anything. I knew she’d decline my offer, but I was ready in the event I was wrong. We’ll count that half-credit, but again, no change too small. 

I’m trying to rewire my neurons, transitioning from obsessing over myself to being of general use to humanity. You can join me if you like if you’re not there already, but I’m doing it selfishly to find my own little oasis of happiness and inner peace. 

A drawing of three circles with the words " creativity ", " contribution ," and " community."

Why You Should Be Happy Where You Are (Because Where You’re Going Will Suck, Too)

August 8, 2019

I just got off the phone with my best friend between airports while flying back from an annual family reunion in beautiful Northern Michigan. In conclusion, everything sucks. As he would point out every third sentence or so, it’s all so “Buddhist.” Man suffers from three desires. The desire to want. The desire to become. The desire to not become (have fun untangling that one). 

Beyond life highs that can last for up to a month (circa me moving to Santa Monica), how can one sustain any permanent upgrade to happiness and well-being? Most of us fall prey to the hedonic adaptation hamster wheel, where any sort of material, sensual, or experimental pleasure seems to have a decreased half-life from one to the next (Super Size me, bitch). Have you ever noticed that you are entirely convinced you’ll be happy when X happens, but as soon as you achieve X you’ve already set your mind to Y. Hell, if I had a dime for every story I’ve heard about some guy or Gold Medalist Olympian getting depressed after they achieved something great, I’d be able to afford a better WordPress theme here. 

We see those who have achieved greatness and aspire to be like them, but what we really want is the FEELING we THINK we will have once we’ve become them, only to realize that next level comes with its own cold bag of issues to deal with, rendering you pretty much on equal footing from where you started. Let’s take me for example. I complain that I have to throw away the packaging for my weekly meal delivery. The fact that I don’t have to shop, cook, clean up, etc. is lost on me from a happiness standpoint. I can already see myself having a personal chef (hey, despite what I’m pontificating here, we should all dream big) and complaining that I have to be cordial with him while he invades my personal space and privacy. I will NOT pardon your reach!

This all leaves us with the dilemma: if you know the next place you want to be, be it more money or fame, won’t solve your happiness or fulfillment issues, why bother to do anything at all? The best answer I currently have is to optimize for creativity, contribution, and community – or the three C’s I’ve just coined. Have a way to express yourself and be who you truly. Find a way to shift your focus and efforts to helping others, big or small, online or offline. And lastly, we are social creatures who literally suffer dire health consequences when we are socially isolated. Find your tribe, and in this case, offline is preferred (I’ll spare us the why Social Media Sucks in this post since that’s trite at this point). Isn’t it funny how people spend money to separate themselves from other humans? Think gated communities, homes up on the hill but short on neighbors, removing roommates, private or home gyms, etc. We then spend our money chasing a sense of belonging by going on high-end plush retreats or Burning Man. How paradoxical we are, spending our health to attain money, then later using our money to regain our health. 

So, sure, keep aspiring and pursuing dreams but remember, wherever you go,  there you are. All we REALLY have is the NOW, and our memories, and Instagram Likes. 

A drawing of the same as in the game.

99 Reasons I Love Santa Monica and LA (After Moving From San Francisco)

August 4, 2019
  1. Palm trees.
  2. Trash and recycle bins lined up across the entire coast; clean sand. 
  3. Comedy shows.
  4. Nice strangers (usually).
  5. Perfect weather.
  6. Healthful living and food everywhere (thank you Erewhon).
  7. Environmentally-conscious people.
  8. Paper / compostable straws (I’m that guy). 
  9. Aesthetically pleasing women.
  10. Beaches with waves (EVERY beach does NOT have waves, stop telling me that). 
  11. CoLiving and furnished places available (you have no idea how much I hate moving). 
  12. A varied and growing industry (entertainment, tech, hopefully more that I can think of right now…plastic surgery?).
  13. Original Muscle Beach and The Green for calisthenics, gymnastics, and Acro yoga. 
  14. Ex-girlfriends (they actually are not all in Texas). 
  15. My goal is to get to 99 just so I can title this post 99 blah blah). 
  16. Zoos (animals anti-suck).
  17. Bird and electric scooters. 
  18. Less homeless people than SF (I haven’t checked any stats, just my observations). 
  19. Cleaner streets and less litter than SF. 
  20. A free parking lot (called the 405). 
  21. Deuce Gym (off-the-beaten-path-CrossFit-style gym). 
  22. Everyone thinks they’re an individual and some even are (walk through the Gold’s Gym in Venice)!
  23. Vitamin D
  24. The air quality isn’t THAT bad according to my app Air Matters.
  25. Am I really only a quarter of the way there, I’m so F-ed.
  26. Beach volleyball (which is fun in theory but I’ve been too busy/tired to do it yet here). 
  27. LAX is a hub to go anywhere you want. 
  28. It’s only an hour flight from people I care about, aka family. 
  29. Most people are going somewhere or trying to (ambition is cute).
  30. Tons of amazing hikes and nature spots within an hour drive. 
  31. Diversity of people. 
  32. Hope and dreams. 
  33. Festivals (Acro yoga, Eat Drink Vegan, etc.)
  34. It’s a cool enough city that friends will visit (with or without me).
  35. It has small, no-name commuter schools nearby like UCLA.
  36. Every area in LA is completely different (try convincing someone from Beverly Hills to visit Venice).
  37. Erewhon (it’s so good I’m mentioning it twice).
  38. Whole [Totally Affordable] Foods [Compared to Erewhon].
  39. When you ask people what they do they don’t always say “I’m in tech.”
  40. People ask you what you do less often than in SF.
  41. Don’t ask me what I do (else I might answer with “about what” or some similar premeditated but half-baked retort).
  42. I read that there is a sober bar.
  43. I get to see Kinobody and all his fanboys huddled around, occasionally
  44. Tons of fitness Instagram influencers (who doesn’t want more motivation live and in color?)
  45. I’m no longer even closest to the weirdest dude working out when I go to places like Muscle Beach.
  46. Trying to cross Lincoln Blvd offers great opportunity to meditate or spend idle time however you see fit.
  47. Amazing companies like Thrive Market and Tesla.
  48. The male-female ratio seems better than it was in SF. 
  49. You can overcome stereotypes as a guy by not being a d-bag. 
  50. Definitely not spending $100 at Wally’s for “wine and cheese” on a date I’ll never see again.
  51. Some people have ice baths and/or saunas in their home- that’s commitment!
  52. It gave me a month-long life high when I first moved. 
  53. You might see celebrities that partially made your childhood (I spotted Adam Sandler in Pacific Palisades).
  54. Despite common belief, you actually CAN walk to places (they have sidewalks and the whole nine).
  55. It’s large enough that you can entirely avoid certain areas that you dislike or have no interest in.
  56. It’s a short hop, skip, and jump to Newport Beach and San Diego.
  57. You can watch amazing comics like Neil Brennan perform.
  58. I’ve made it this far for only having lived there for 2 months. 
  59. If you want to go to bars but not stay up late and wreck your sleep you can do so during the day (e.g. Bungalow and Waterfront).
  60. Abbot Kinney St. 
  61. Modern and minimalistic architecture in Venice and Santa Monica. 
  62. You don’t have fly to Ibiza to take a pill (sorry the song came up while I was writing this). 
  63. Sunlife Organics.
  64. Buti Yoga.
  65. Cryotherapy (which is overrated and a one-time occurrence).
  66. Acro yoga jams on The Green on Sundays.
  67. There are more trees than I thought there would be for SoCal.
  68. Greater choose-your-own-adventure-ness to find your people/tribe and routine. 
  69. There’s always something to do, to an exhausting degree.
  70. It’s not humid (like other eternally sunny places like Miami). 
  71. Salesforce doesn’t own half the buildings. 
  72. Kippy’s Ice Cream (literally the best). 
  73. Bulletproof Cafe.
  74. Cafe Gratitude.
  75. I’m hanging on by a thread here, give me credit.
  76. Surfing.
  77. Grains of sand, just kidding that one doesn’t count. 
  78. Women are open and even welcome something else besides bars for a first date. 
  79. I’ll never have to explain where LA is.
  80. Sage restaurant is evidently amazing and the best vegan food, yet to try.
  81. Lots of bodywork places and specialists like Simply Stretch LA and the Stretch Lab
  82. Outdoor showers to rinse feet off after the beach, because tracking sand indoors SUCKS.
  83. It’s a city full of paradoxes (the richest and the poorest, the most environmentally-concerned and the most superficial and materialistic, etc.) 
  84. The water is warm enough in the summer to swim and cold enough during winter to tap into cold plunges and cold therapy.
  85. Where
  86. Would
  87. I
  88. Be
  89. Without
  90. La
  91. La
  92. Land?
  93. Live 
  94. Your 
  95. Dreams
  96. Every
  97. Single
  98. Day
  99. <3
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Brian Comstock

Brian Comstock created the Integrated Human to provide you with the tools needed to transform the relationship you have with yourself, which in turn helps you avoid unhealthy relationship dynamics and to instead find a partner who uplifts and enhances your life.

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